3 | Childhood Robbed By a Blow Job

After the May 5th innocence flying out the window fiasco, i kind of lost myself in the throes of sex rather than the throes of relationships, passion, and all that other good stuff you see in the rom-com genre on Netflix. Sex and everything that leads up to it was what was important to me, and as sad as it is to say, this is still very much true. However, i truly started to see myself let go after that incident. I mentioned the cappuccino colored, corn-rowed, Malibu soaked blow job that i performed the week after losing my virginity. But it was only a few short weeks after both of those enlightening experiences that i literally made the worst alcohol fueled decision of my life thus far. Keep in mind i’m headed into 9th grade at this stage.

Returning to the center, i once again meet up with a group of new high school friends, all of whom are clearly people your parents wouldn’t want you hanging out with. Those kids that your parents say, now i don’t want you hanging out with so and so. Yes, this was a bad idea but i like bad ideas. There is always something about them that seems good to me. Haylee* is with me again but this time she has decided to bring her boyfriend of 3 months, Mike*. We hung out a few times prior to this and i always thought he was a nice guy. He was of course an Asshole.

This time we head for the forested area just directly behind the center. There is an open area with some picnic benches and a park. Everyone has alcohol. Everyone is drinking, most are already drunk. It’s starting to get dark outside and Mike’s* friend Wayne* (oh god thats a terrible cover name but fuck it).. he’s starting to get handsy with me. I don’t mind, i like hands. I start to drink a bit more but i’m not as wasted as i was the last few times i’d been out here. It’s pretty much the end of summer by the way. Wayne* takes me over to a bench and we start making out. As soon as we do we see lights and cops and know that we have to start running or were fucked. We’re underage and drinking in public, no thank you am i getting caught by the law before the legal age. After that, eh, fuck it. Cops frequently show up and patrol this beach because conveniently for them the station is located legitimately on the main road that leads to it. And in the summer, they are on their shit, which sucks for us of course.

Wayne* and i head for the sea wall because we know there are more benches there and we can sit and pretend we are just a couple at the beach doing beach couple shit. Fuck, who knows what i was thinking. But apparently it sounded like a great idea. This is where i once again proved just how naive of a teenage girl i could be. We sit on the bench and start making out again. As his tongue is sliding in and out of my mouth, i can’t help but wonder where Haylee* and Mike* are and how i’m going to find my way back to them. I sleep at Haylee’s* house pretty much every weekend since my parents are divorced. My dad works full time in an industry that has bizarre hours and my mum has decided to forgo the whole, you know, mum thing and spend pretty much every weekend in Los Angeles doing god knows what. He slides his hand down my pants and starts fingering me really hard. I’m moaning loudly, because i really enjoy this, but i also can’t help but think about the cops. I reach down unbutton his pants and grab his cock nice and hard before deep throating it once, coming up the underside with my tongue and then playing lightly with the tip before repeating these steps methodically over and over again. He’s fingering me i’m blowing him and BOOM. A bright ass fucking light goes off in my face 3 or 4 times. I look up, it’s Mike*. He’s standing in a bush taking a fucking picture of Wayne’s* cock in my fucking throat. I immediately stop. I’m drunk, but not wasted so i don’t fully comprehend the situation. I do however lose my shit and yell at Haylee* that i want to go home. So we do.

Not until about a month into the new 9th grade school year does shit really hit the mother fucking fan. Mike*, my best friend’s boyfriend, decides it’s a really great idea to put the pictures he’s taken of me with a dick in my mouth online. What a way to really show face and make a name for yourself your 2nd year into High School eh? Not what i wanted at all. Anyways. Everyone i knew found out about this. Everyone at school. Everyone at nearby schools. The bullying ensued. People would say the most terrible things to me, as if this whole thing was a choice i made. I had people telling me they were going to print off the pictures and post them all over the washrooms in the school, i had people telling me to kill myself, it was insane, all because i sucked a cock and someone got a picture of it. It was torture, but it made me stronger. I realized through all of this that there are consequences to my actions but I also realized that i didn’t really care. It hurt but i kind of enjoyed it. I was getting attention. It wasn’t how i wanted it or who i wanted it from but it happened, but at some point i had to be okay with it because it wasn’t going anywhere.

The worst part was when my younger brother found out and told my mum. She didn’t really lose it that much because of all the shit that was going on at school. But from this point onward she saw me differently, i know it. But i think she also knew why i was doing it. It was a form of acting out and these were the consequences that came along with it. I just didn’t think they would come so quickly. Anyways. About 3 months into the school year i couldn’t take it anymore and i begged my mum to move me to a Private School in the city where i had a shit load of friends from Summer Camp. I knew it would be a fresh start, something i was desperate for at that point and so was she. She complied, and within a week i was dressed head to toe in a uniform.

Is it bad that the only thing i thought when i looked in the mirror was that i can’t wait to test out some role play in this outfit? Oh, and halloween. That definitely crossed my mind too.

xo, you’ll never know.

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